I really liked this and thought this story was very good. I encourage you to get a beta (everyone should have one - a good beta is indispensable) to clean up some of the distracting homonym, grammar and punctuation issues that distract from your lovely story.
Also, I noticed in the first chapter that in a couple of scenes you shift point of view between characters an awful lot. Personally, I think it's okay to do this, but if you do it too much it becomes somewhat distracting.
I think that my favorite chapter was chapter two, and the growing relationship between Revan & Malak. Then again, I'm a sucker for a good romance. ;)
Anyway, well done. I hope to see more from you!
That is a review from you. For a story that I wrote a while back. I could have done one of two things. I could have gone, OMG BITCH why are you pointing out my small mistakes and being so mean. Shifting point of views between characters is what I do it makes for a better read.
What I did do was sit back and think about it. And I realised that I didn't like the change in POV when I reread it and that led me to a thought that didn't really have to do with the review but it stemmed from that. I dramatically changed my writing to a third person perspective where it's almost close to first in that the person that is in control sees stuff but can't see or feel anyone else's emotions. Totally perspective. And you know what? I am so happy with that. I love it. I found my nitch.
So when people go batshit about tiny little things and act like NO ONE wants concrit I spit on them. Today I was in my creative writing class and no one would give me any good constrictive criticism and you know what? I was really sad about it and kept staring at my story and being like... what should I fix? Did they even listen?
So if anyone was linked to this because you are a whiny complaining idiot. Let me add to Pris' comment. Stop being childish and grow up. People are going to have differing opinions and someone who is being nice about it and telling you that - well that's great so shut up.
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Date: 2005-09-19 06:41 pm (UTC)Also, I noticed in the first chapter that in a couple of scenes you shift point of view between characters an awful lot. Personally, I think it's okay to do this, but if you do it too much it becomes somewhat distracting.
I think that my favorite chapter was chapter two, and the growing relationship between Revan & Malak. Then again, I'm a sucker for a good romance. ;)
Anyway, well done. I hope to see more from you!
That is a review from you. For a story that I wrote a while back. I could have done one of two things. I could have gone, OMG BITCH why are you pointing out my small mistakes and being so mean. Shifting point of views between characters is what I do it makes for a better read.
What I did do was sit back and think about it. And I realised that I didn't like the change in POV when I reread it and that led me to a thought that didn't really have to do with the review but it stemmed from that. I dramatically changed my writing to a third person perspective where it's almost close to first in that the person that is in control sees stuff but can't see or feel anyone else's emotions. Totally perspective. And you know what? I am so happy with that. I love it. I found my nitch.
So when people go batshit about tiny little things and act like NO ONE wants concrit I spit on them. Today I was in my creative writing class and no one would give me any good constrictive criticism and you know what? I was really sad about it and kept staring at my story and being like... what should I fix? Did they even listen?
So if anyone was linked to this because you are a whiny complaining idiot. Let me add to Pris' comment. Stop being childish and grow up. People are going to have differing opinions and someone who is being nice about it and telling you that - well that's great so shut up.