I hate vampires.

[prisoner_24601]

Why does every vampire in every damn book have to:

1) Be insanely hot
2) Own a goddamn nightclub
3) Be a sexual tyrannosaurus
4) Be conflicted and overly emotional

I mean, where the hell are the fat, balding, middle aged car salesmans that got made into a vampires? Or the granny vampires (which would rule so much)? Why is every single one a super hot stud muffin with no chest hair, chiseled features and piercing eyes?

You think that they could branch out in professions too. Where the hell are corporate vampires and political vampires or the redneck vampires that want to watch football and drive their pickup trucks around while drinking a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon?

Why does almost every author write the same goddamn thing?

I'm getting so bored with this cliché that I actively avoid any book in it with a vampire now. Unfortunately I broke this rule the other day when I picked up Nora Robert's new book Morrigan's Cross at the airport before jumping on the plane (yes - I read romance novels on rare occasions and Nora Roberts is a decent, albeit rather repetitive, author) and I'm regretting it now.

Serves me right.

Comments

[plutospawn.livejournal.com]

I remember liking Interview With the Vampire, but I also read it in tenth grade. I thought Robert Penn Warren was boring as all hell in high school too, until I recently reread it and decided that my younger self was a moron.

No sexy, toned body vampires. The main character has an oversized bald head with pointy ears on a scrawny body. And the two hotties are named Aspirine and Ritaline and are there mostly to be annoyances.

But Anne Rice is special. I think I got to book 3 in the chronicles and there was a scene where Lestat is being bathed and has to stop and admire his beautifully erect, yet useless member. Then she rambled on and on about a Carivaggio painting. That was when I put it down and walked away.

[midnight-hawk.livejournal.com]

Oh that reminds me...the Anita Blake porn books are in comic form now:

Be afraid, be very very afraid (http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/2570614.html)

[plutospawn.livejournal.com]

Mid hands out misery like candy! All we need now is Anita Blake talking plushies.

[prisoner--24601.livejournal.com]

Oh god... that's... that's just not right. I think the universe migh implode.