I hate vampires.

[prisoner_24601]

Why does every vampire in every damn book have to:

1) Be insanely hot
2) Own a goddamn nightclub
3) Be a sexual tyrannosaurus
4) Be conflicted and overly emotional

I mean, where the hell are the fat, balding, middle aged car salesmans that got made into a vampires? Or the granny vampires (which would rule so much)? Why is every single one a super hot stud muffin with no chest hair, chiseled features and piercing eyes?

You think that they could branch out in professions too. Where the hell are corporate vampires and political vampires or the redneck vampires that want to watch football and drive their pickup trucks around while drinking a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon?

Why does almost every author write the same goddamn thing?

I'm getting so bored with this cliché that I actively avoid any book in it with a vampire now. Unfortunately I broke this rule the other day when I picked up Nora Robert's new book Morrigan's Cross at the airport before jumping on the plane (yes - I read romance novels on rare occasions and Nora Roberts is a decent, albeit rather repetitive, author) and I'm regretting it now.

Serves me right.

Comments

[prisoner--24601.livejournal.com]

See... now that's awesome. The whole idea of a bunch of granola hippies still trying to be hippies even though they are now bloodsuckers would be hilarious. (I can see them being all happy about their organically grown garlic, roflmao).

I demand that you entertain me and write this story.

[kosiah.livejournal.com]

This has been done, sort of. There's at least two books...um, they were published by Penguin (some imprint of Penguin -- Roc, maybe?) in the 90's. They feature a bunch of baby booming 'vampires' in San Francisco. In this universe, vampirism is a genetic condition and they treat drinking blood like an addiction. The plot involves them all becoming 12-steppers and then slowly falling off the wagon.

However, in keeping with canon, they are all pretty hot, all sexual dynamos (a side effect of the blood, in this case), and dress well.

I can't remember the author or titles of the books for the life of me. I only know the publisher because that's why I read them -- was working there and they were free.

[midnight-hawk.livejournal.com]

There's also some short stories about a bunch of heroine addicts that become vampires, which also draws parallels between drug addiction and vampirism. However what I had in mind wasn't really to do with addiction, but about mocking vampire fiction (of course that's already been done as well).

[kosiah.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I totally think you should do it, MH! Your brand of humor is spot-on. It would be a good read :)

[kosiah.livejournal.com]

God, am bored today. L is feeding constantly, speaking of vampiric-like tendencies, and I can't get off this chair and get anything done.

The World On Blood by Jonathan Lewis Nasaw is the first book. There was a sequel where they all went to a Carribean island and had more blood and sex. I wouldn't exactly recommend them, but I was amused.