prisoner_24601 | So I've pissed another person off... what a surprise.

Man, I miss everything fun. I don't pay attention to kfm for one night as I go raiding with my WoW buddies and I miss all of the wank. Apparently someone took offense at this live journal post, and posted a rant all over the boards. The other mods deleted it, but I woke up this morning to this review (which wasn't even posted to the right story I might add) in my in box...

Unfortunately, it was taken down at up at kfm, but I think it needs to be enshrined here for posterity, because it's a truly awesome thing to behold.

Hey kiddies, Marmarduk here. Long-time lurker, first time poster with some wankiness I thought you’d all enjoy.

Was surfing the Rat’s journal and came upon Prisoner_24601 (such moniker being a laugh unto itself), and found something I thought it would b-hoove all you sycophantic little brutes to read. It appears ‘Pris’ and a minion wrote some silly story about some silly Sue-Revan and her undying love for Old Man Canderous. And one reviewer wrote ONE line about his displeasure with the whole femRevan oeuvre. And that one little line has inspired our be-sainted Prisoner to post a Live Journal entry containing no less than 25 comments (at last count) deriding, insulting, and generally wanking at the bloke who left that review.

And the review? “Why does everybody have to write stories with Revan as a woman, it just don’t work dammit.”

Oh no he did-ent! Oh yes he did!. But, Holy Zealous Bitchery, Batman! That’s all? No ranting, expletive-laden review? No volley of insults? No threats or attacks? Just that? Yep, kiddies, just that. It rather begs the question: if one sentence expressing an unfavourable opinion begets this much wank, imagine what an actual review might’ve spawned? But here’s what this teeny wittle comment did engender… (and my apologies to KnightoftheWord for besmirching your good name. But it’s for a good cause, n’est ce pas?)

To wit: KotW is a clueless idiot with poor grammar.

He’s bitter because “we (other mods on KFM presumably) bounced his crappy and amazingly pretentious story from the kfm fic queue.” (And you all wonder why it takes so long for your stories to get posted. Well, look no further! Last I checked in the Submissions Guidelines a fic shouldn’t be withheld because a mod thought it ‘crappy’ and ‘amazingly pretentious.’ But hey, what’s some self-important censorship among friends, right?)

KotW desecrates sacred ground by leaving a ‘non-relevant’ opinion on the holy altar of her review page. (And I’ll just bet he didn’t even have the common decency to give her a thumb’s up! The bastard!)

KotW MIGHT have expressed a similar opinion as another user! Egad, what a criminal mastermind she’s dealing with! Fortunately for us, Detective Pris is on the case and has reported this heinous crime to other mods. Fear not, law-abiding, fem-Revan adoring citizens, the Offender shall be flogged most heartily with the banstick! Ref: Section 12a, subsection 3 of the Fanbrat’s Guide to Self-Righteous Idiocy clearly states: “Decreeing that femRevan is not canon and insisting on fics that consist of something besides a femRevan screwing every possible combination of male counterparts on that Love Boat we call the Ebon Hawk constitutes immediate banishment, nay, EXILE (winkwink) from Kotorville, until such time as the mods deem appropriate. (Or until the bansticks have been forcibly removed from their asses, whichever comes first.”)

What else? Oh yes, my favourite line: (You can cut the irony with a vorpal spoon!) Dearest Prisoner writes: “I really do hope he's a bored teenager, and not someone who cares so much about his dumbass viewpoint about a fictional Star Wars character that he feels the need to fight the establishment. Someone taking this stuff that seriously would be far scarier lol.”

lol, indeed. Let us all pray that KotW is merely a bored teenager with a dumbass viewpoint because if he were to take this stuff this seriously—seriously enough to merit let’s say an entire LJ rant to one sentence—than that would be truly scary, now wouldn’t it?

And because I would never post all of this without backup documentation, I present the link to the aforementioned Live Journal entry so that you might read it all for yourselves. http://prisoner--24601.livejournal.com/11991.html

Ah, that was fun. Rather extraneous waste of my time, but :dramatic sigh: someone needs to bestride the Steed of Justice every now and then lest the poor beast succumb to lack of use, or hoof rot…or something.

And now I must ride off into the sunset, my dear kiddies, since my tenure here is surely to be cut short and myself clobbered with the banstick in short order. Censorship? Perhaps. They are protecting one of their own, after all. Ah, the machine rolls on, doesn’t it? But only as far as you let it.

And to sweet Prisoner…What? Isn’t it SO AWESOME??????!!!!!1111!1!!!1eleventy!1!!!1!1!?

-marmypoo

Just to set the record straight, I wasn't the mod that bounced the story in question from the fic queue. In fact, most of the time, I'm a lazy ass mod while the other mods do all of the hard work and do most of the fic screening. With rare exceptions when I'm trying to be helpful, the only fics I tend to screen are for the Dueling Circle Challenges. But I definitely stand by the decision to do it. It did suck. It was horribly pretentious, badly written and to top it off, it had numerous grammar, punctuation and spelling errors. It wasn't even a story, it was simply that dude's rant about the Jedi Council.

I'm not entirely sure why you've got your knickers in a twist. We let his moronic trolling comment stand, and he wasn't banned from kfm (the dude who was banned was another user, months ago, and again - not banned by me). He's free to post that to my story, I'm free to mock him on my own personal live journal (although I'd hardly say it was a rant - I expressed my amusement, other people responded and we all laughed about it). Just like I'm free to mock you here.

Personally, I think you're hilarious. Even though you've taken comments out of context, misrepresented the majority of that post, tried to stir up shit over on kfm, and generally been an all around wanker, I find you extremely amusing. Clearly, you don't intend for people to take you seriously, otherwise you might have chosen a way to air your complaints that people might have listend to (such as responding here to the actual lj post or contacting the mods about my behavior directly)

Okay, marmypoo... you're obviously reading this lj. Feel free to troll away here. I've obviously pissed you off, and yet you're too chicken shit to come here to rant at me directly. Let's hear what you have to say when you haven't been silenced by the oppressive mods over at kfm.

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kotor

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winterfox.livejournal.com

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L2Internet drama lulz!

QQ MOAR NUB!

(no subject)

From:

From:

cavortingmonkey.livejournal.com - Date: 2007-02-23 01:45 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2007-02-21 08:44 pm (UTC)

From:

xenzen.livejournal.com

no subject

What. The. Fsck.

I really hope this guy isn't serious. Really. I'm not sure I can get past the first line... it's like watching a bad train accident - I must cringe and look away. Ugh.

Anyway, here, have a dumpling. They're fresh!

Date: 2007-02-21 09:00 pm (UTC)

From:

prisoner--24601.livejournal.com

no subject

Hmmm... I suspect that like beer, wank might be an acquired taste.

Date: 2007-02-23 02:57 am (UTC)

From:

maddcoffeybrown.livejournal.com

no subject

So what wookiee crawled up his ass and died? *sniff*

Pris you still rock

Date: 2007-02-23 09:09 pm (UTC)

From:

prisoner--24601.livejournal.com

no subject

<3 You rock too, woman.

I don't really know why this person was so incensed. I think I must have pissed in their Wheaties earlier, maybe leaving a review of their story, or (more likely) a review of someone else's story that they took offense at. Or maybe it's someone from the gigantic flamewar a couple months ago. Or maybe they just are what they claim, a pissed off lurker who's finally sick of my shit and were totally offended by what I said and decided to stand up for the little guy.

I'm curious, but apparently I'll never get the answer as they never came out to play, which is disappointing, but not really all that surprising.

Date: 2007-02-24 12:45 am (UTC)

From: (Anonymous)

HI!!!!!!

“Or maybe they just are what they claim, a pissed off lurker who's finally sick of my shit and were(sic) totally offended by what I said and decided to stand up for the little guy.”

Right you are! Except for the pissed off part. You can keep trying to give yourself credit for incensing me to volatile emotions, but the truth is you made yourself an easy target and I just couldn’t resist. :P

So here we are!

Sorry I've shown up late to the party. I know you’ve all been eagerly awaiting my arrival, so my apologies. Now your turn. I am very disappointed in this thread of comments. I was expecting something of more substance and bite and instead I get wallpapers of kittens and WoW nerdspeak. Although I suppose that is largely due to the fact that you, Prisoner, were caught with your pants bunched around your ankles and when that happens, what more can you say besides “QQ MOAR” and being plotting some moronic Canderous/MRevan buggerfest? “And then, like, Canderous gives Revan a neck massage, right? And like, Revan is all like Ooooh good, right? And it’s funneh cuz they’re both GUYS. Get it?”

How droll.

(You can’t see it, but one perfectly arched eyebrow of mine is now raised slightly higher than the other, creating a picture-perfect image of wry dissatisfaction at such a weak attempt at humour.)

But despite my disappointment, I’ll play along since I have some time to kill. And there are few things in this cold, bitter world that give me more joy than reading fanbrattery of the caliber thee and thine are capable of, humourless, predictable and cliched though it may be.

Marduk is my name. I added a syllable the other night because I was in a silly mood, and because I knew my citizenship to Kotorville would be revoked as soon as the stark raving truth of my kfm post became known. (And I had to laugh, Pris, at your comment that had I chose a more serious-minded tenor by which to post my wank, I might’ve garnered a larger audience. Possibly, but I wasn’t about to subject the denizens of kfm with page after mind-numbingly boring page of you and your chums’ wanktankerous prose. Your tedious, self-important modding posts are punishment enough.)

Date: 2007-02-24 12:48 am (UTC)

From: (Anonymous)

Part tooooo

Where was I?

Oh yes, Marduk. I’m a god. I’m not the god. I’m sure the Rat can enlighten you as to the origin of my moniker. (While she’s at it, I’m sure she’d more than eager to tell you how she learned English as a second language, as well as the histories of ancient civilisations and their deities, as well as the population densities of certain West African cities, ALL WHILE STILL IN THE WOMB so there, coloncoloncolonsemicolonsemicolonsemicolon, etc, etc, etc.

But I digress.
I was telling you about myself. Alas, my story is a sad one.
You see my old man's got a problem, he lives with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working, I say his body's too young to look like this
I said somebody's got to take care of him, so I quit school and that's what I did…

Oh wait. That’s Tracy Chapman’s story. Right, sorry.

My story is that I am no disciple of canon and couldn’t give two shits whether or not you wrote a story that saw your Sue-Revan dry-humping T3 while lasciviously eyeing Mission for seconds. FemRevan, MRevan, they’re both only fictional characters in a fictional world that has little to bearing on the price of tea in China, as the grandpappy used to say. It is the endless hours you have all doubtless spent arguing the petty minutiae of Lucas Art’s handiwork that I find truly astounding. And it is because of this single-minded devotion you have all inured yourselves to differing opinions. One would assume (and wrongfully, as it turns out) that you are all mature enough to let the brash comment of a youngling slide, but since you have all spent a good portion of your precious time on this mortal coil debating such tripe as whether or not Bastila was conflicted about her mother, or whether Carth (especially Carth!) could evah learn to love a-gayan!:gasp sigh:, you’ve lost all perspective in life. I’m all for a fun game, make no mistake, but everything in moderation, ladies.

Might I suggest some introspection? I assume you have families? Jobs? School? Visiting hours? Some moments of lucidity before the meds take effect? And what do you do? You piddle your lives away belittling acne-pocked teenage boys for their silly outbursts, and hovering over your laptops waiting for that glorious little beep that tells you someone has posted a reply to the bitchery on your LJ. Aww. You ALL live in Clever-Clever Land and you’re each and everyone a mayor! Isn’t that enough? Or do you have more time—nay, years to spend on such rubbish?

I would bet a million big ones that twenty years from now finds you IM’ing one another with delightful anecdotes such as, “Remember that one time when that one clueless idiot wrote a badly written story with poor grammar and bad punctuation? Remember? An’ remember how we all wrote stuff about her? Pointing that out? Remember? That was AWESOME!”

Meanwhile, someone else has discovered a potion that cures cancer AND reverses global warming all at once. Shame on you!

But honestly, the most pertinent fact in this little situation is that I have no real bone to pick with you, Prisoner. You’re merely another slag in the fanbrat world with a penchant for self-righteousness and far too much time on your hands. I only found your post by accident and since, of my brethren, I am familiar with the kotor fandom (and the inordinate amount of seriousness you put into running the challenges) it fell to me to have some fun. Otherwise, you’re far too boring and predictable and I wouldn’t have devoted quite so much time to the festivities—or this post itself—as I did. (On the other hand, you made it :so: easy!)

And while this whole LJ reply you have is sorely lacking, I did take some amusement from one of the other posts. I am speaking of the free advertising from mizanchan in repeating my post on her site. I had to laugh at the eagerness with which your friends seek to promote your embarrassment, and how you yourself feel no compunction in sharing the same. Such a startling lack of self-awareness is usually only seen in small children and retarded people.

As to the rest of you, I heartily thank you for the attention. It was expected but ever so gratifying nonetheless.

Date: 2007-02-24 12:48 am (UTC)

From: (Anonymous)

Re: Part tooooo

And now, I leave you with a benediction:

To midnighthawk: Find in thy tiny heart the courage and strength to break out of thy bonds. Seek not the shadow of rodents, nor the cliques of derision, and untether thyself from the self-imposed thrall that commands thee to blurt from thy juvenile and untrained lips the compost-like wankerage of those that have come before, they who have done so without the taint of desperation or that reeking urge to belong that is so uniquely thine.

To suijerkjai/Dinah: Row your boat in waters becalmed and free of the flotsam of your cohort’s dictatorship. (I’ll bet she’s an insufferable bitch at WoW too.) But if thou is compelled and cannot find thy path free of the vagaries of this virago…then at least have the balls to ask for top-billing, no?

To winterfox: FYI: RAS would like you to know that every morning he wakes up, drives to the bank in his Rolls Royce and deposits a zillion-dollar royalty check. He then enjoys a large lunch that you could never possibly afford and goes to the bookstore. While there, he scans the shelves for a book that bears your name. But he can’t see any amid the scores of his own, each announcing: Bestseller. He then goes back to his large estate, sits upon a gold-plated toilet, takes a large and satisfying dump, and then wipes his ass with a printout of your latest wankery.
Just thought you’d like to know.

To mizanchan: As the Lord spaketh in the Book of Wank: No one likes a tattletale. Rather superfluous when you consider I wanted Prissy-poo to behold my glory. But every god needs a messenger. Rest now, thy little head, until such time as thee is called upon to Spread the Word of your sister’s next embarrassment. (Which shouldn’t be long. I suspect it’s rather compulsory with her.) Wait for the sign, mizanchan…wait for the sign…

To xenxen: Don’t strain yourself, darling. I’m sure someone, someday will explain it all to you and even help you with the big words.

And finally to Prisoner: Mock away! I’d first have to give some sort of value to your opinion before I could even begin to care, let alone read what is likely to follow this posting. I lose no sleep knowing that a person of your character holds me in low esteem. In fact, I’d sleep better believing you held me in no esteem at all.

All right then, that just about does it. Yes, it is long and yes, I can already hear you all—solely for lack of something better to snark at—kavetching about the length of my post. But please realise I likely won’t be coming back for more. And even if I was stationary, I know that none of you will post anything worth replying to anyway. I shall have, and have been having, the last laugh.
And I thank you all heartily for it.
:bows:

--Marduk

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