prisoner_24601 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
prisoner_24601) wrote2009-02-22 03:46 pm
prisoner_24601) wrote2009-02-22 03:46 pm
Sparkly Vampires Ahoy!
So I read Twilight - or rather I read 224 pages of it before getting bored and putting the book down. It was bad, but not in the way that I expected.
I admit that I had a lot of preconceived notions about this book. I thought for sure that while 33 year old Pris was going to hate it (especially since I hate vampires), inner 13 year old Pris was going to think it was full of sparklicious awesomesauce. But as I read, inner Pris13 kept telling me that this book sucked ass, while Pris33 thought that while it was definitely bad, it could have been salvaged if Stephanie Meyer had done a few things.
Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things that Pris13 would have liked about this book. After all, Pris13 has read all kinds of goofy girlie shit that she thought was really, really awesome such as the Sweet Valley High Series, The Sunfire Historical Romance series, and the totally cracktastic Flowers in the Attic series by V.C. Andrews. In the next few years Pris13 will discover the worlds of Mercedes Lackey's white horses who save abused children and the Dragonlance books. And if the internet had been around back then, she probably would have flooded ff.net with goopy Sue filled romances about Raistlin who is so hot, misunderstood and clearly in need of the redemption that only true wuv can provide..
So a McHottie, sparkletastic, dangerous (but not really), stalkeresque, angsypants, vampire boyfriend? Awesome. Plot that's not really a plot, but two emo teenagers discussing their relationship for 500+ pages? Sweet! Dysfunctional, obsessive, patronizing and totally unrealistic true love? Sign her up!
But I think the thing that would have killed any enjoyment for Pris13 is the very simple fact that Bella Swan just sucks. She's not even a proper stand in for the reader or even a typical Mary Sue. She's shallow, vapid, mopey, bitchy and thinks that her life is OMG SO HARD U GIAS!
Inner Pris13 kept rolling her eyes every time Bella whined about how annoying it is that every dude in the school thinks she's hot, or OMG her parents (who are never around, have no expectations, and even give her a car to drive around) are annoying! On the first day of highschool people go out of their way to be nice to her and she's totally a bitch about it. When the girls in school try to be friendly to her, she is completely shallow and vicious, and Pris13 got the feeling that she was only putting up with them until she could get accepted into the cool vampire kids club. When she has to go to the hospital, damn near the whole school shows up to see if she's okay, and she acts like an ungrateful twat about it because it's so embarrassing.
Pris13 wouldn't have expected realism, she would have wanted an escapist fantasy to get away from the harsh realities of real middle and high school. But when the main character lives the perfect escapist awesome fantasy and acts like her life is really, really hard, well... that's pretty fucking irritating.
Interestingly, that's one of the reasons Pris33 kind of found Twilight nearly redeemable, because bad technical writing issues aside, Stephanie Meyer really captures the narcissistic, selfish, emo tunnel vision that dumbass teenagers tend to have, where every small thing is totally blown out of proportion. There's something awesomely entertaining about this beautiful, middle class, white chick thinking that people being nice to her makes her life hard. I kept waiting for her to get a harsh reality check. This book could have been interesting if Bella actually grew as a character, realized she was acting like a shallow twat, or realized that her relationship with Edward was dysfunctional and told him to take a hike. Conversely, it would have been just as entertaining if she never realized it, but if her moronic behavior had actual realistic consequences. Unfortunately that never happened.
And therein lies the biggest problem of the book for Pris33. It becomes painfully obvious that Stephanie Meyers doesn't realize that Bella sucks. She thinks her protagonist is cool, and thus, instead of other characters reacting the way they actually would to someone who is that much of a complete dumbass, she gets rewarded for her stupid behavior.
The other big disappointment was that this book wasn't nearly as cracktasticly entertaining as I hoped. Don't get me wrong, there are several laugh out loud wtf moments (my favorite being how even Edward's handwriting is HOLY SHIT BEAUTIFUL), things that made no sense (why are these vampires in high school again? Is it because they want to score some hot teenage tail?), and times when it becomes painfully clear that Stephanie Meyer has some serious issues when it comes to relationships (stalking is not sexy Stephanie). But sadly, in between the cracky parts are pages and pages and pages of really boring, shallow introspection by Bella and vapid conversations between her and Edward.
From the summaries I've read of the other books, it seems like with each installment of the series, it gets increasingly hilarious, but I just don't have the patience to read hundreds and hundreds of pages to get to it.
Finally, I have to say that while even though I think Pris13 would have hated this book, I get why other teenagers would love it. I'm not especially concerned that this book is teaching bad lessons to impressionable young girls (even though it kind of is). I read all kinds of fucked up stuff when I was that age, but even I realized that there was a big difference between what characters in a book could get away with and what happens in real life. I think that the people hyperventilating about how this is going to corrupt young girls, don't give those girls enough credit.
I don't, however, get why anyone over the age of 17 would think this this book is good entertainment - especially the twilight moms, who should seriously be old enough to see how fucking dysfunctional and non sexy this book really is. I'm pretty sure if some teenage boy was stalking their daughter the way that Edward stalks Bella, they'd pull out the shotgun to run his ass off and not think "Wow, isn't true love wonderful."
I admit that I had a lot of preconceived notions about this book. I thought for sure that while 33 year old Pris was going to hate it (especially since I hate vampires), inner 13 year old Pris was going to think it was full of sparklicious awesomesauce. But as I read, inner Pris13 kept telling me that this book sucked ass, while Pris33 thought that while it was definitely bad, it could have been salvaged if Stephanie Meyer had done a few things.
Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things that Pris13 would have liked about this book. After all, Pris13 has read all kinds of goofy girlie shit that she thought was really, really awesome such as the Sweet Valley High Series, The Sunfire Historical Romance series, and the totally cracktastic Flowers in the Attic series by V.C. Andrews. In the next few years Pris13 will discover the worlds of Mercedes Lackey's white horses who save abused children and the Dragonlance books. And if the internet had been around back then, she probably would have flooded ff.net with goopy Sue filled romances about Raistlin who is so hot, misunderstood and clearly in need of the redemption that only true wuv can provide..
So a McHottie, sparkletastic, dangerous (but not really), stalkeresque, angsypants, vampire boyfriend? Awesome. Plot that's not really a plot, but two emo teenagers discussing their relationship for 500+ pages? Sweet! Dysfunctional, obsessive, patronizing and totally unrealistic true love? Sign her up!
But I think the thing that would have killed any enjoyment for Pris13 is the very simple fact that Bella Swan just sucks. She's not even a proper stand in for the reader or even a typical Mary Sue. She's shallow, vapid, mopey, bitchy and thinks that her life is OMG SO HARD U GIAS!
Inner Pris13 kept rolling her eyes every time Bella whined about how annoying it is that every dude in the school thinks she's hot, or OMG her parents (who are never around, have no expectations, and even give her a car to drive around) are annoying! On the first day of highschool people go out of their way to be nice to her and she's totally a bitch about it. When the girls in school try to be friendly to her, she is completely shallow and vicious, and Pris13 got the feeling that she was only putting up with them until she could get accepted into the cool vampire kids club. When she has to go to the hospital, damn near the whole school shows up to see if she's okay, and she acts like an ungrateful twat about it because it's so embarrassing.
Pris13 wouldn't have expected realism, she would have wanted an escapist fantasy to get away from the harsh realities of real middle and high school. But when the main character lives the perfect escapist awesome fantasy and acts like her life is really, really hard, well... that's pretty fucking irritating.
Interestingly, that's one of the reasons Pris33 kind of found Twilight nearly redeemable, because bad technical writing issues aside, Stephanie Meyer really captures the narcissistic, selfish, emo tunnel vision that dumbass teenagers tend to have, where every small thing is totally blown out of proportion. There's something awesomely entertaining about this beautiful, middle class, white chick thinking that people being nice to her makes her life hard. I kept waiting for her to get a harsh reality check. This book could have been interesting if Bella actually grew as a character, realized she was acting like a shallow twat, or realized that her relationship with Edward was dysfunctional and told him to take a hike. Conversely, it would have been just as entertaining if she never realized it, but if her moronic behavior had actual realistic consequences. Unfortunately that never happened.
And therein lies the biggest problem of the book for Pris33. It becomes painfully obvious that Stephanie Meyers doesn't realize that Bella sucks. She thinks her protagonist is cool, and thus, instead of other characters reacting the way they actually would to someone who is that much of a complete dumbass, she gets rewarded for her stupid behavior.
The other big disappointment was that this book wasn't nearly as cracktasticly entertaining as I hoped. Don't get me wrong, there are several laugh out loud wtf moments (my favorite being how even Edward's handwriting is HOLY SHIT BEAUTIFUL), things that made no sense (why are these vampires in high school again? Is it because they want to score some hot teenage tail?), and times when it becomes painfully clear that Stephanie Meyer has some serious issues when it comes to relationships (stalking is not sexy Stephanie). But sadly, in between the cracky parts are pages and pages and pages of really boring, shallow introspection by Bella and vapid conversations between her and Edward.
From the summaries I've read of the other books, it seems like with each installment of the series, it gets increasingly hilarious, but I just don't have the patience to read hundreds and hundreds of pages to get to it.
Finally, I have to say that while even though I think Pris13 would have hated this book, I get why other teenagers would love it. I'm not especially concerned that this book is teaching bad lessons to impressionable young girls (even though it kind of is). I read all kinds of fucked up stuff when I was that age, but even I realized that there was a big difference between what characters in a book could get away with and what happens in real life. I think that the people hyperventilating about how this is going to corrupt young girls, don't give those girls enough credit.
I don't, however, get why anyone over the age of 17 would think this this book is good entertainment - especially the twilight moms, who should seriously be old enough to see how fucking dysfunctional and non sexy this book really is. I'm pretty sure if some teenage boy was stalking their daughter the way that Edward stalks Bella, they'd pull out the shotgun to run his ass off and not think "Wow, isn't true love wonderful."
no subject
Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things that Pris13 would have liked about this book. After all, Pris13 has read all kinds of goofy girlie shit that she thought was really, really awesome such as the Sweet Valley High Series, The Sunfire Historical Romance series, and the totally cracktastic Flowers in the Attic series by V.C. Andrews. In the next few years Pris13 will discover the worlds of Mercedes Lackey's white horses who save abused children and the Dragonlance books. And if the internet had been around back then, she probably would have flooded ff.net with goopy Sue filled romances about Raistlin who is so hot, misunderstood and clearly in need of the redemption that only true wuv can provide.
Hey...have you been reading my high school diaries? Except for Lackey, whom I discovered with Diana Tregarde (the urban fantasy heroine before urban fantasy, and who bafflingly didn't sell well, according to Lackey, even though there were whole tribes of crazy fen convinced that the real Forces of Evil(TM) holding her back from writing more), and only picked up the Heralds books after my need-a-talking-horse phase, that was totally me. I thought I was the only one who remembered Sunfire romances. I owned the whole set, and I'm kicking myself because I have no idea what my mother did with them. Probably moldering in the basement.
I'm not especially concerned that this book is teaching bad lessons to impressionable young girls (even though it kind of is). I read all kinds of fucked up stuff when I was that age, but even I realized that there was a big difference between what characters in a book could get away with and what happens in real life. I think that the people hyperventilating about how this is going to corrupt young girls, don't give those girls enough credit.
My back teeth grind together when I think of my daughter wanting a Bella-and-Edward relationship, but then I realize that already at three and a half, she's a lot smarter than Bella, so my worries go away. What gets me is that grown up people (consequently, those who should know better) just want to love all over it because the main characters don't have sex until marriage. Never mind that the books are full of bad writing, weak characterization, a lazy theme, and an anti-plot repellent that must have given the screenplay adaptation writers fits. But it's "recommended reads" because the teenagers don't have sex. ::head, meet desk::
Now to wash your brain out, go to the library and check out Melissa Marr's "Wicked Lovely" and while you're at it, pick up "Ink Exchange" - both have great heroines and fascinating storylines. Ink Exchange is one of those theme-y books with layers like tiramisu. Marr's writing is tight, not overblown, and her world does have that teenage tunnel-vision, but not in a self-serving way.
no subject
My middle school friend Amy had the whole Sunfire set, that I repeatedly borrowed over the course of several years. I've been slowly trying to track them down (as well as the Choose Your Own Adventure series and the Sweet Valley High books) at library and used book sales, but so far I've only found a few. I say I'm doing this for my daughter... but really it's for my own nostalgic value. "Buying books for my kids" gives me a great excuse to buy and indulge in a lot of young adult titles. I will definitely check out Marr's books as they sound really interesting.
As far as stuff like Twilight and VC Andrews - I figure my kids will have to go out and discover that shit on their own. I wouldn't necessarily stop them from reading it (even though I think parts of them have horribly repellent lessons about life) but I'm not going to provide it for them either.
What gets me is that grown up people (consequently, those who should know better) just want to love all over it because the main characters don't have sex until marriage. Never mind that the books are full of bad writing, weak characterization, a lazy theme, and an anti-plot repellent that must have given the screenplay adaptation writers fits. But it's "recommended reads" because the teenagers don't have sex. ::head, meet desk::
Oh man, I hear you on this one. I was reading a Wall Street Journal article a while back where a commentator wrote a long article gushing about exactly this. I was, quite frankly, baffled. I mean sure, they don't have sex (I am convinced this is only because Edward is such a raging wussy), but their relationship is far from healthy. The commentator completely turned a blind eye to the way Edward stalks Bella in a way that in reality would get his ass thrown into jail. She also ignored the fact that Bella's parents are completely absent from the picture as far as I can tell, have zero expectations of their kid, and do nothing to protect or enlighten her about the world at large. And Bella herself, good god... is she really a role model that you'd want a kid following?
I'd rather have my kid read a book/watch a movie where the kids have sex with realistic consequences, than read this stupid glossed over psycho shit masquerading as an epic, yet wholesome romance.
So I definitely get why people get fired up, I do too. I just also think that most kids are smarter than we give them credit for, and that if you do your job as a parent and show your kid what healthy relationships actually are then something like Twilight isn't going to have much of a long term effect. Eventually, most kids will get a clue and realize that they really don't want what Bella and Edward have. At least I hope so, lol.